Mark the day

In the early dawn half-light, I lay curled up under the covers like a chongololo, and in a now familiar mild panic as I asked myself the question, “What am I going to do with the rest of my life?” I never answer this question directly, but progress to that mental to-do list of unwelcome but necessary tasks; the list although tackled with dogged determination for years, never diminishes to nothing.

And then to continue sleeping, I have to remind myself that visions of palm trees and pina coladas on the beach are not relaxing for me, until, mercifully, the memory of the voice of my beloved João comes to me. From so many years ago; an early conversation. It was the first time, in response to the question, “why carry on?” that she had replied, “There’s more, so much more”.

Well, then, as I mark the first anniversary of her death, that will have to be the answer for the time being.

©2018 Allison Wright